Author Archives: NoPoet

Marneus Calgar’s Barmy Army: 2009 Christmas Special

Posted on 2009/12/24 by NoPoet

“What do you think about that weird Christmas song, ‘A Spaceman Came Travelling’?” “I think it should be illegal to write Christmas songs while on drugs, sir.” – Marneus Calgar and Dick Bannerman * It is the 41st Millennium. For … Continue reading →

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Marneus Calgar’s Barmy Army – part 2

Posted on 2009/11/20 by NoPoet

(PART TWO) The Long March where Calgar gets into a sticky situation and Brin Milo complains of carbuncles! (The big joke being that Calgar doesn’t in fact get into a sticky situation. He just gets sneezed on for no reason. … Continue reading →

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Marneus Calgar’s Barmy Army: Part 1

Posted on 2009/11/20 by NoPoet

= Ultramarine Chapter History = The Astonishing War Record of the Ultramarines 30th Millennium – The Ultramarines number at least 500,000 men. God, 500,000 of the sods. Thank the Lord for Horus. 31st Millennium – Horus leads the largest warhost … Continue reading →

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Ghostwalkers [20K]

Posted on 2009/11/16 by NoPoet

“Mission log, XMS Ontario, triple-zero-double-oh-six, M20. We are approaching the hyper-gate and are preparing for translation. While our Mechanica contingent are excited about the upcoming journey, I can’t help but wonder whether the Ontario will make the translation intact. This is the first time a manned Navy ship will travel through the hyper-gate and there is no way to know for sure what will happen while we are under way.” Continue reading →

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A Treatise on Waaagh Norgrund

Posted on 2009/10/19 by NoPoet

“…this information must be passed on to someone who can do something about it. Segmentum Command must be informed. Everything depends upon the speed of Imperial response. Let not the wheels of war be slow in turning. The greenskinned devils are drowning human space in this Segmentum beneath a tidal wave of death. Armageddon is happening again, and we do not possess the strength to do more than slow them down. Even now orks clamour at the firebase walls. My brothers are fallen. Only a few Guardsmen survive, and I am too injured to fight further. We have set the self-destruct mechanism… oh the sea of green… the skies are darkened by alien aircraft… not only is this world lost, it may never be reclaimed… there are millions of Orks upon the surface. Where, by the Primarch, do they all come from?” Continue reading →

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Pyramid [20K version]

Posted on 2009/09/25 by NoPoet

[Author's note] This is a revised and slightly updated version of my story “Pyramid”, modified to bring it into line with my 20K universe. ++ EARTHWATCH EYES ONLY ++ Author: Albert Lamm Location: ++ Location denied ++ Transmission Time: 210017/M20 … Continue reading →

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The Man From Nowhere [20K]

Posted on 2009/09/21 by NoPoet

This is the tale of the XMS Southern Cross, a pioneer ship of the Terran Navy. Captain Jacob Darnall and his crew had guided their Canyon-class cruiser through the perils of Solar Segment, besting pirates and alien raiders in fraught combat, exploring unknown anomalies in space… ensuring the survival of the fledgeling Empire.

The Southern Cross was nearing the end of a two-year tour of duty. Its crew were already looking forward to their return to Sol for refit, resupply and well-earned shore leave, when Lieutenant Lim detected a faint but insistent distress call. The communications specialist alerted her captain, and the Southern Cross moved to investigate.

The incident is provided in narrative form, reconstructed from recordings in the ship’s log and certain on-board sensor footage. What conclusions you draw from this information is your own business; though you will surely experience some of the trepidation our brave Navy crews must feel as they venture out into the haunted darkness of space. Continue reading →

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Documenting A Necron Invasion

Posted on 2009/09/17 by NoPoet

Do not trust anything I say in this vox log. What you hear will be hard to take. I speak the truth, and the truth is a lie.

I am a survivor. My name…I’m not going to tell you that. It’s important they don’t know who I am. Oh Throne, oh Throne…they won’t get me in here. They can’t. They don’t know me, they don’t know what I know. I can feel them searching for me! It brushes against me like fingers down a chalkboard, like fingernails being drawn along the curve of my spine. That reaching mind…like a searchlight beam sweeping the foliage, looking for hidden soldiers.

Toy soldiers, all in a line. All dead without their skins or their faces. Meat for the machines.

Hahahahaha! Continue reading →

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Electronic Mind Map [20K]

Posted on 2009/09/07 by NoPoet

I have spent fourteen years in a prison of my own devising. I created it. Placed myself within it. And I drew the door closed behind me. The walls are a blue laser grid. The grid represents circuity; arcane technology … Continue reading →

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Anointed In Blood

Posted on 2009/09/03 by NoPoet

There is a place, they say, where disciples of evil meet in open worship. They gather together in the grounds of a monastery long since desecrated with blood and excrement. This defiled place stands alone in the bleak plains of … Continue reading →

Posted in Warhammer Fantasy | Tagged , | 3 Comments